Remembering Them on Their Birthday
5 Gentle Ways to Honor a Loved One After They’re Gone
That knot-in-your-throat feeling when the calendar flips to your mom’s birthday — it’s real. And if you’re feeling it too, you’re not alone.
This week marks my mom’s birthday — our first without her. To honor her, my siblings and I are making the trip back home. I’m flying in from Texas with my sister and her family, while my brother and his kids are driving down nine hours from Northern California. We'll spend the day exactly how she would have wanted: together.
We’ll share meals, visit one of her favorite places — a historic mission — and make time for laughter (and maybe a few tears) at the casino she loved. These aren’t grand gestures. They’re just simple moments stitched with memory — and that’s what makes them enough.
If you're facing a birthday without someone you love, here are 5 ways to honor their memory with small rituals that bring meaning, comfort, and connection.
1. Start With What They Loved Most
What brought them joy? What made them feel like themselves?
For us, that’s a drive along the coast, a casual buffet, and a slot machine or two. Maybe for you it’s baking their favorite dessert, rewatching a movie they loved, or spending time in their favorite part of town.
Honor who they were by doing what they would’ve chosen for themselves.
2. Create a Tradition You Can Repeat Each Year
Whether it’s lighting a candle, walking a familiar trail, or writing them a letter — rituals help us stay connected.
You don’t need to make it elaborate. Just consistent. Even the smallest actions can offer something to hold onto as the years go on.
3. Visit a Place That Holds Their Memory
Places carry weight. Visiting somewhere they loved — or somewhere you shared together — can help you feel close again.
That could mean:
A favorite restaurant or park
A family home
A spiritual or cultural site
Even a street or neighborhood that reminds you of them
Physical spaces can bring a kind of peace that words sometimes can’t.
4. Gather People Who Miss Them Too
There’s comfort in being around others who get it — especially on milestone days.
Whether you plan a full gathering or just a shared meal, it doesn’t have to be big to matter. You might tell stories, look through old photos, or just sit together.
Grief softens when it's shared.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Everything
It might be a beautiful day.
It might be a hard one.
It might be both.
Let that be okay.
Marking a birthday after loss isn’t about “celebrating” if that word doesn’t fit. It’s about remembering in a way that feels true — and allowing whatever emotions come up to move through you, without judgment.
Before You Go
You don’t have to plan anything perfect. You just have to remember them in a way that feels right to you.
What small thing are you doing to honor them this year? I’d love to hear — you can always reach me at hello@unfinishedlist.com or share this with someone who might need it too.
If you're planning something visual or meaningful — like a photo tribute or slideshow — The Signature Tribute is a gentle way to help make the day feel intentional without having to do it all yourself.