What to Say at a Memorial
How to speak about someone you love — even when the words are hard
If you’re here, you’re probably trying to write something meaningful during one of the hardest moments of your life.
Maybe you’ve been asked to speak at a memorial. Maybe you volunteered — because you want to get it right. Maybe you’re helping someone else write their piece and feel unsure where to begin.
There’s no one way to do this right. But there are ways to make it feel more manageable.
Whether you’re writing a eulogy, a few lines for a printed program, or a short tribute to read aloud — here’s where to start.
Start with a Story or a Small Moment
It doesn’t have to be their life story. It just needs to feel like them.
Was there something they always said? A habit you still catch yourself doing? A moment you’ll never forget?
Sometimes it’s not the big events — it’s the way they brought you your favorite snack on hard days. How they waved from the window. Or how every text ended with too many emojis. These small, specific moments often land the deepest.
“My mom and I had a routine during her cancer treatment — morning appointments, brunch at the casino, our favorite slot machines, and Suits reruns over dinner. Those two months are now some of my most cherished.”
Even just one memory like this — something ordinary, comforting, or distinct — can help everyone in the room feel closer to them.
If there’s a routine, memory, or habit that sticks with you — start there. It tells people more than a long biography ever could.
An Example From Real Life
When my mom passed, I was asked to give her eulogy. What I ended up sharing wasn’t a full story of her life — just a reflection of what she meant to me.
I talked about the way she always gave me a soft place to land, even when she didn’t agree with my decisions. She worried about me, but she never withheld love. She let me go — and still reminded me I could always come back.
“No matter where I went, I always knew I had a home with her if things didn’t work out — or if I simply changed my mind. That kind of unconditional support gave me the freedom to explore all of life’s possibilities.”
I didn’t say everything. I didn’t try to speak for everyone. I just spoke from where I stood — and that was enough.
Keep It Focused — Not Formal
You don’t need to speak for 15 minutes. You don’t need a perfect draft.
One or two memories, a list of qualities you’ll miss, or a note about their impact — that’s enough. You’re painting a picture, not writing a novel.
A few prompts that might help:
“What I’ll always remember about them is…”
“They had a way of…”
“If they were here right now, they’d probably be…”
“Something I still carry from them is…”
Even just one sentence can carry a whole room.
Speak From Where You Are
You don’t have to sound polished. You just have to be honest.
If you’re grieving deeply, say so. If you cry or lose your place, pause. Everyone listening will understand. What they’ll remember isn’t your delivery — it’s your love.
If you’d rather write something and have someone else read it, that’s okay too.
If You’re Not Giving a Eulogy
You might be writing for:
a printed program
a memory card or keepsake
a GoFundMe post
a message to read on behalf of someone else
These tributes matter too. Keep it simple and personal. You don’t need big language — just a little heart.
You’re Doing Enough
It’s okay if you’re unsure. It’s okay if you keep it short. It’s okay if you start and stop.
The point of speaking at a memorial isn’t to get it “right.” It’s to reflect who someone was — and how they made you feel.
And if you’d like help finding the words, we can help.
Need Writing Support?
Our Legacy & Tribute Writing service is for moments like this. We help you write eulogies, obituaries, and short memorial messages that feel like the person you love.
Whether you’re starting from scratch or stuck halfway through, we’re here to help you shape something honest and meaningful.
Learn more about writing support here.