How to Ask for Help After a Loss
Because you shouldn’t have to carry all of this alone.
If you're here, you’re likely holding more than anyone realizes.
Coordinating the memorial. Talking to family. Making decisions you didn’t expect to face so soon. You might be the person everyone’s leaning on — but no one’s asking how you’re doing.
You’re not alone. And you don’t have to do this all by yourself.
Why asking for help feels so hard
Grief has a way of making everything heavier — even asking for help.
Maybe you’re not sure what to ask for. Maybe you’ve been told you’re “so strong,” and now it feels like asking would disappoint people. Or maybe you’re afraid it’ll just take more energy to explain than to do it yourself.
But here’s the truth:
Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s clarity. It’s survival. And in many cases, it’s also a gift — most people want to help. They just don’t know how until you ask.
What you can ask for
You don’t need to ask for everything. Just start with one part you can hand off.
Here are a few ways others can step in:
Emotional Support
“Can I talk to you about something hard?”
“Would you just sit with me while I figure some of this out?”
Logistical Support
“Would you be willing to help coordinate food for the memorial?”
“Could you make a few calls or help share info?”
Communications Support
“Would you mind being the point person for extended family or guests?”
“Can you help me write or proof the announcement?”
Mental Load Support
“I don’t know where to start. Can you help me sort out what matters right now?”
“Can I tell you what I’m juggling, and you help me organize it?”
How to ask without feeling overwhelmed
If even asking feels like too much, try one of these:
“I need help, but I’m not sure where to start. Can you help me figure it out?”
“I’ve been trying to handle everything, but I’m running out of capacity.”
“Would you be willing to take one thing off my plate this week?”
“Can I give you a task that feels too heavy for me right now?”
You don’t have to be polished.
You just have to be honest.
You don’t have to do this alone.
If it feels like too much right now — it probably is.
Let someone step in with you.
The Unfinished List offers three flexible ways to support you:
Talk it Out – One-on-one support to help shape the memorial, delegate tasks, and create a simple plan
Show the Love – Custom slideshow, printed poster, and keepsake card — finished and ready to share
The Full Support Suite – A complete tribute experience: planning session, slideshow, written materials, and print-ready designs
It’s not about doing it all — it’s about doing what matters, with support that feels calm and human.