How to Ask for Help After a Loss
Because you shouldn’t have to carry all of this alone.
For the ones trying to hold everything together
If you're here, you’re likely holding more than anyone realizes.
Coordinating the memorial. Talking to family. Making decisions you didn’t expect to face so soon. You might be the person everyone’s leaning on — but no one’s asking how you’re doing.
You’re not alone. And you don’t have to do this all by yourself.
Why asking for help feels so hard
Grief has a way of making everything heavier — even asking for help.
Maybe you’re not sure what to ask for. Maybe you’ve been told you’re “so strong,” and now it feels like asking would disappoint people. Or maybe you’re afraid it’ll just take more energy to explain than to do it yourself.
But here’s the truth:
Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s clarity. It’s survival. And in many cases, it’s also a gift — most people want to help. They just don’t know how until you ask.
What you can ask for
You don’t need to ask for everything. Just start with one part you can hand off.
Here are a few ways others can step in:
Emotional Support
“Can I talk to you about something hard?”
“Would you just sit with me while I figure some of this out?”
Logistical Support
“Would you be willing to help coordinate food for the memorial?”
“Could you make a few calls or help share info?”
Communications Support
“Would you mind being the point person for extended family or guests?”
“Can you help me write or proof the announcement?”
Mental Load Support
“I don’t know where to start. Can you help me sort out what matters right now?”
“Can I tell you what I’m juggling, and you help me organize it?”
How to ask without feeling overwhelmed
If even asking feels like too much, try one of these:
“I need help, but I’m not sure where to start. Can you help me figure it out?”
“I’ve been trying to handle everything, but I’m running out of capacity.”
“Would you be willing to take one thing off my plate this week?”
“Can I give you a task that feels too heavy for me right now?”
You don’t have to be polished.
You just have to be honest.
If you’re still not sure where to begin
Sometimes help looks like someone sitting across from you and saying:
“Okay. What’s going on? What do you actually need?”
That’s what our Clarity Calls are for.
It’s a short, focused session where we talk through what you’re holding and what actually needs to happen next. No pressure. No overwhelm. Just calm, supportive direction.
Final thoughts
You’re allowed to ask.
You’re allowed to delegate.
You’re allowed to say: “I can’t carry this part.”
And you don’t have to feel guilty for doing it.
Let someone step in with you.
You don’t have to do this alone.